Dear patrons, in the wake of the High Holidays, here is another poem from the Jewish holiday season, back in 2019 – a poem reflecting where I’m at right now. I often notice that my poems and songs function in my life as prayers – I put something out there, and keep writing on that theme, as it emerges, and then, years later, I find I have moved into the place that I envisioned back when I first started writing the series. With regards to this poem, I find that I am now, exactly two years later, moving into this space of granting myself permission to step into and whole-heartedly embrace the paradigm shift mentioned in this poem. It’s a pretty big deal, growing up devout, and not a rebel but rather, a truth seeker and speaker, heir to a 4,000 year old tradition. It takes a lot of questioning and struggling and challenging and poking and prodding and doggedly trying, before coming to peace with accepting who and where we all are, and letting go. – Loolwa

You failed me
But I feel like the Failure
Because I couldn’t override
Your lack or inability
And I sit here
In judgment of myself
Wanting to want what
I don’t want anymore
But what if I shift
My paradigm my focus
And allow myself
To pursue whole-heartedly
That which brings me joy
And to let that pursuit
Bring me joy as well