Dear Journal + patrons, here is this month’s bonus poem and photo of my journal entry, for my newest poem, “The One who Wrestles with G*d.” 

You construct
The tenets of your religion
In such a way
That the women
Are but empty vessels
Channels for carrying out
Your will and vision
Which you package
As being integral
To our own spiritual mission
So that we succumb submit
Embody and enforce
Your war of attrition
Against us
On every level
In this dimension

An empty vessel
Is de facto
And by definition
The blueprint of rape
Which I have come to understand
Lies at the bedrock
Of your ideas belief systems and laws
In the creation of which
We were glaringly absent
Meaning that there is no reconciliation
Between the purity integrity wholeness and harmony
Of my soul heart mind and Body
And your system of authority
To which I used to bow willingly
With devoted ferverency
Because it was presented to me
In the marketing language of Love
And the greatest spiritual beauty
That exists

I have come to understand
That I am once aain
The captain of my own ship
In these turbulent waters
The most competent and capable
The only one in fact
Who can steer through
Yet I am plagued with
Nagging self-doubt
The glaring question
WHO AM I
To stand here
Never mind steer
Because I was raised in seeped in
A system
Where I was inherently and perpetually
Uncomfortable in my own skin
So that feeling right
Was always wrong
And so I am confused
These turbulent waters
Raging inside my head
Who am I who am I who am I
Yet who are you

Self-appointed manager
Of my relationship with G*d
Self-selected interceptor
By definition
Of this religion
A Blasphemer
Because the purest Jewish essence
Is that there is no interference
In my direct connection
With the Divine
And I find furthermore
That it is in all this struggling
And wading
Through self-recrimination
And still being willing
To challenge and question
And walk steadfastly through
The ocean of discomfort
That I am in fact
Neither a heretic nor a failure
But rather
The daughter of my ancestor
Yisra-El
The one who wrestles with G*d

©2021 by Loolwa Khazzoom. All rights reserved. No portion of this article may be copied without author’s permission.