I write songs
As my way of communicating
The depth of my feelings
But I find that words
Are silly inadequate
To express the vastness of grief
That I feel
Without you here
The omnipresent void
That threatens to engulf me
In a dark abyss
My world is shattered
I feel resentful
That life carries on
Without you
In the splendor
Of leaves changing color
Glorious shades of red orange and yellow
Gracefully falling to the ground
Signaling the beginning of
What was always
My favorite season
But what now
Signals the end
Of summer
Of you
Here alive
Making me crazy
As I love you infinitely
And as you love me back
Just as much if not more
I will never have an anchor
like you
Timeless bind
Of birth heart life soul
I try to reconfigure my idea
Of infinity
So that your death signals
not the end but the beginning
of something even more
Vast and magnificent
As old as time itself
And as timeless as Gd
As you rejoin the stars
And morph into
The limitlessness of Creation
But I find that while I understand
That you are more than this
As am I
I need a touchstone
That physicality
Means a lot to me
That I am in fact attached
To the body
Which I have always recognized
As the vehicle
For connection
But I am open
Ema Mommy
You told me you will be with me always
And that we can talk to each other
And that you will hug me
Through the purple telephone
So I trudge on
Through this debilitating grief
And try to reconceptualize
My ideas about
Beginnings and endings
Connection and sensation
Expanding my consciousness
Engaging the extrasensory field
That you celebrated
So that I can find you
And wrap my hand around your finger
For eternity
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